Formal Writing Essay

The essay below is titled ‘New Zealanders do not know their history’. The essay is an example of Level One Formal Writing and it was written by a Year 11 student in exam conditions. Let me know what you think of it.

We profess to be New Zealanders, Kiwis, Antipodeans. But that is our nationality. What do we know of the history that has brought about the recognition our country deserves? We know the emblems used to symbolise our Nation-the kiwi, the fern, the koru and the tags-nuclear free, clean and green, multicultural-but we don’t know why.

What a shock to learn the Maori were here before the Europeans and that cannibalism was practiced amongst the warring tribes. How terrible to learn that Hone Heke cut down the British flagpole on numerous occasions-not terrible because he was being indifferent to the English, but because we were being taught that in Year 9, when we should have known it in our second year of primary school.

Perhaps New Zealanders do not know their history because it is not taught until an age when it is not compulsory anyway. It is not important to the Government that the history of this country is instilled at an early age so that college years can be spent studying things rather more important than basic information.

Perhaps our knowledge of our past is ignored because New Zealanders see it as history. It’s been. Gone. We can’t do anything about it. Why worry about it? Why indeed? Well, it may help to understand conflict ongoing today, such as Treaty of Waitangi land claim disputes. Or the history taught may give an insight into special dates noted during the year-such as Waitangi Day. Is it just another holiday, or is there a reason for the day off?

Christmas, Halloween, Labour Day, St Andrews day on November the 30^th-why are we borrowing other countries history when we have our own? It may be that our history does not reach back far enough in time to be of any importance to some people, but what difference does that make? Is it any unique, any less true, than any other history?

Perhaps the history of other countries is more fascinating than our own, just because it is foreign, or is it fascinating because New Zealanders do not know their own history, it is still there. It always will be. It is as precious as our “clean-green”, “nuclear free” identity. And don’t forget-our history is our identity.

Beach Burial Essay

The essay that follows is a level one essay written in exam conditions. It focuses on Wilfred Owen’s Anthem for Doomed Youth and Kenneth Slessor’s Beach Burial. I have added the poem Beach Burial and some information about Slessor to help you get more from the essay. Any comments you have on the essay would be welcomed.

Kenneth Slessor was an Australian poet and war correspondent who wrote this poem in 1944. One of Slessor’s major themes was war and its effects on people. Beach Burial is able to lament both the ‘convoy of dead sailors‘ and focus on an individual ‘unknown seaman‘, this gives the poem the power of combined universality and particularity of reference. Beach Burial is a military elegy, recording the poet’s grief for the sailors who died on a great land and sea battle in the North African campaign during WWII. On another level, it records the battle that we all fight, regardless of race or political or religious conviction, joined in the common front of humanity against death.

Beach Burial

Softly and humbly to the Gulf of Arabs
The convoys of dead sailors come;
At night they sway and wander in the waters far under,
But morning rolls them in the foam.

Between the sob and clubbing of gunfire
Someone, it seems, has time for this,
To pluck them from the shallows and bury them in burrows
And tread the sand upon their nakedness;

And each cross, the driven stake of tidewood,
Bears the last signature of men,
Written with such perplexity, with such bewildered pity,
The words choke as they begin –

‘Unknown seaman’ – the ghostly pencil
Wavers and fades, the purple drips,
The breath of wet season has washed their inscriptions
As blue as drowned men’s lips,

Dead seamen, gone in search of the same landfall,
Whether as enemies they fought,
Or fought with us, or neither; the sand joins them together,
Enlisted on the other front.

Kenneth Slessor

Describe an idea that interested you in the texts you studied. Explain why this idea interested you.

In the poem Beach Burial by Kenneth Slessor, an idea that interested me was the way Slessor showed the anonymity of the sailors’ deaths and the lack of ceremony at their burial. This idea interests me because in our society today, death is given huge respect, and a large amount of ceremony goes into someone’s burial.

The anonymity of the sailors deaths is emphasised by their crosses have ink “Unknown Seaman” written in an ink which fades “as blue as dead mens lips” on the tidewood which makes their sandy graves.

The line “tread upon their nakedness” gives the feeling that those who buried them did not actually know the dead, and they had not time to give them a respectful burial. “But someone, it seems, has time for this; to pluck them from the shallows, and bury them in burrows” – this shows the rush there would have been to bury the dead on the beach.

In Anthem for Doomed Youth, Owen uses the same anonymity of the soldiers deaths and the lack of ceremony at their burial to show the horror of war. Again, the differences between what happened then and what happens today are so big. I find it interesting that Owen and Slessor write with such similarity in their important ideas – yet are writing of two different wars.

Owen writes in a harsher tone than Slessor, to show the lack of dignity the young men had. He refers to the young soldiers “as cattle”, being led to their deaths as cattle would be led to slaughter.

Owen contrasts normalcy with war in saying that “the pallor of girls brows shall be their pall”, which suggests that there will be no lying in state for the dead men. There will be “no mockeries for them, no prayers nor bells”; the only sound of mourning came from the machines which killed them: “the shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells.” Slessor also notes that the dead men are mourned by the machines which killed them, “the sob and clubbing of the gunfire.”

Both Owen and Slessor write of men dying away from home, in a country not theirs, away from loved ones who can only mourn them from afar. The lack of ceremony at their burial can only be expected in times of war-the men are all fighting and barely have time to bury the dead. The lack of time to bury the men would partly account for the anonymity the dead receive, and partly because their bodies would have been ravaged by war.

The ideas of anonymity in death and a lack of ceremony at burial are interesting to me because I only know the way things are today, and find it hard to imagine not having a name to be scrawled on even the simplest cross at my grave. Anthem for Doomed Youth and Beach Burial bring home the horror and sadness of war, and of death.

Another essay for your consideration

Another essay on Wilfred Owen’s poetry completed in exam conditions. I am grateful for all contributions, however, I would welcome an essay on another topic for a bit of variety! Any comments?

Discuss ideas, opinions or information in your studied texts that caused a strong reaction in you as a reader.

Wilfred Owen was an anti-conflict poet of the World War One era, his poems are heavy with anger, cynicism and imagery from his front line experiences. As he stated “the poetry is in the pity”. He was desperately infuriated by the patriotism and myopia of the British public at the time, and he used his poetry like a weapon to end the needless deaths of millions during the war.

In his poem “Anthem for doomed youth”, Owen questions the sincerity of a formal Christian burial, and the justification for the deaths of countless soldiers on the battle field.

“What passing-bells for these who die as cattle? Only the stuttering rifle’s rapid rattle”

The dead soldiers get no respect, nothing to mark their pointless deaths whereas at home a funeral is full of formality and tradition. This angered Owen, that a comfortable death at home is rewarded with useless formalities, he saw it as a “mockery” for dead soldiers. I agree, where is the use in acknowledging death with useless ceremony when the things that count go un-noticed?

His poem “Dulce Et Decorum Est” describes a mustard gas attack on a group of fatigued soldiers. Since the people at home had no real idea of the horror of the front line, Owen in this poem is trying to sell the blind patriots some reality by describing events he witnessed. It is a shocking and powerful poem with lots of emotive language “Cursed, trudged, old beggars” and gruesome imagery of the attack.

“Floundering like a man in fire or time … blood come gurling from froth corrupted lungs

vile as … cancerous sores on innocent tongues”

Owen is educating people on the truths of war, and this poem taught me a lot. It taught me that war is not a camping trip with guns, as many unwitting war supporters of the time thought too.

This poem is also a intellectual attack on the patriots and war supporters, trying to convey the message that death in war is not honourable or glorious, contrary to the old ideals that were still held at the time. Owen writes “If you could see… my friend, you would not tell with such high zest to children desperate for some ardent glory, the old lie” Dulce et Decorum Est, Pro patria mori.”

Owen is stating his belief that if you knew what really went on, you would stop sending all these young men to their deaths.

Wilfred Owen had strong ideals (backed up by experience) that war was a waste and only the myopia and stupidity of people in power let it continue. It was up to the masses to end the conflict, so he used his poetry to convey his ideals in direct disagreement of the patriots and politicians.

The Straight Story

Today’s essay is on the David Lynch film The Straight Story and like the others it was written in exam conditions. Any comments?

Describe the main idea or purpose in the text you have studied. Explain what you think the writer/director/producer wanted you to learn from this idea or purpose.

An important/main idea in the film “The Straight Story” by David Lynch is that of family bonds. In the story Alvin Straight embarks on a last pilgrimage to see his brother Lyle after a 10 year separation as a result of a fight. Alvin is faced with a terminal illness that may prevent him from making this journey in the future.

Alvin is fiercely independent despite needing two canes to walk. His attitude toward his illness and the advice of doctors “no cane no walker” lead us to believe that Alvin is stubborn and in denial about his illness. However, Alvin displays a different attitude toward the John Deere lawnmower salesman which exposes to the audience his straight and eloquent manner. The director of the film may have wanted the audience to be in two minds about Alvin’s real disposition to display to them that looks can be deceiving and that Alvin has a very volatile nature.

On his slow and protracted lawnmower journey, Alvin meets a runaway who is arrogant and judgemental toward him describing his lawnmower as “a hunk of junk”. This may have been the intention of the director as the viewer expects Alvin to react in the same violent way. However, his sweet cheery disposition is exposed in the comment “eat your dinner missy.” The director wants to expose to the audience that Alvin can relate to anyone despite the age gap. In society the beliefs and actions shape our perception of others in society. Often when actions that are commonly perceived as “wrong” the ideas and perception of that person can be dramatically altered, due to that action which they will be judged and associated with.

Alvin’s description of family as “unbreakable” impact the runaway who returns, we assume, back to her family who were the cause of her leaving and running away. Alvin shows his wisdom and knowledge of life, which could be due to his age that may not have been present 10 years ago when he fought with his brother Lyle. In society foolish fights are commonplace often without reconciliation. The director wanted the audience to learn that it is the stronger, selfless person who will breach the gap in the effort to reconcile.

Alvin meets a pair of bickering brothers. It reminds him of his relationship with his brother and conveys to the viewer how the fight with his brother may have materialised. Once again Alvin’s straight nature exposes the problem of the twins when he asks “how much working was fighting?” The unpressurised manner of Alvin exposes to the twins their obvious predicament. “No one knows your life like your brother” reinforces the director’s intention to the audience that Alvin is trying to prevent these twins from following a similar path of that Alvin and Lyle took.

Alvin and the director are trying to teach younger generations who may not place family as highly as Alvin at his age that family is important and irreplaceable. Society will only realise this after they are older, in that time family may have moved on. Early in life younger generations place emphasis on establishing a life and profession that they forget to nurture the bonds of their family. When old age takes hold and the need for family is great, they may have ruined the chance of establishing and enjoying their family.

Wilfred on Wednesday

Yep, it’s another essay. This Level One essay was also written in an exam situation. What do you think?

Describe TWO interesting language techniques in EACH text. Explain how EACH technique helps you understand EACH text.

In ‘Dulce et decorum est’ and ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’ Wilfred Owen effectively uses emotive language and imagery to help convey his ideas about the harsh realities of war.

In ‘Dulce et decorum est’ Owen uses a gassing situation to portray how unglamorous war really is. The soldiers he describes as ‘Bent double like old beggars’ and ‘coughing like hags’. This use of imagery is interesting as it is not how we would imagine the fit young soldiers to be. Instead of being handsome young warriors nobly fighting for their country, they are prematurely aged and battling for their lives. He uses this imagery to dispel any ideas that we may have about war being beautiful and instead makes us understand that it is a truly horrific experience. He continues this use of imagery through the first stanza as he goes on to describe a soldier’s death after they’ve been gassed. He also uses emotive words such as ‘guttering, choking, drowning’ an ‘froth-corrupted’ lungs which plays on the readers emotions and made me understand that dying at war is in no way glorious. Wilfred Owen really wanted to portray how terrible being involved in war is which went against a lot of the propaganda of his time. He uses his imagery and emotive language effectively which really helped me to understand his ideas.

In ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’, Owen continues with this same us of imagery and emotive language but in a more somber tone. He wanted to portray what a waste of life war is by focusing on death as a whole. In the opening line ‘What passing bells for these who die as cattle?’ Owen uses his imagery technique by comparing the men going to war to beasts being led to slaughter. This made me understand that they were just leading the men to their deaths with as much ceremony as animals. In the line ‘No mockeries for them, no prayers, no bells’, I realised that these soldiers who died in war never got a tribute to them – they weren’t noble sacrifices for their country, just dead people.

In the second stanza Owen takes a new approach and moves to the home front in the midst of war. Here he wanted to compare how the soldier’s bodies were dealt with in war compared to the elaborate funerals and traditions normally practiced in the time. He uses descriptions of images rather than sounds for this stanza and a lot of emotive language. In the lines ‘The pallor of girls brows shall be their pall’. ‘There flowers the tenderness of patient minds’. He uses his language to play on the readers emotions and it helped me to understand that every mans death on the battlefield there were women left behind with no closure, and the line ‘each slow dusk a drawing down of blinds’ made me realise that it is not just the soldiers who are involved in war, but in some way or another everyone is effected.

Owen uses the techniques of imagery and emotive language to successfully build up images in the readers mind and to convey his ideas. Through this effective use of language he made me understand that war isn’t beautiful or noble but simply a sickening waste of life.

Wilfred Owen Essay

Today I have another student essay for you to look at. This one was written in text conditions in 35 minutes. What do you think? Any comments? What’s good? What could be improved?

Write a detailed account of how your studied texts interested you by their choice and/or use of words and phrases.

In “Dulce et Decorum est”, Wilfred Owen uses graphic verbs and innovative descriptions to describe the absolute pity of war, to try and convince his original readers of wars futility.

Owen continues in this vein in “Disabled”, by using simple statements and blatant understatements to create an image of a young man, destroyed by war. In his poem “Anthem for doomed youth”, Owen shares his philosophy on the blindness of his culture to the horrific deaths young men faced during the war by rhetorical questions, and bold controversial statements. All these features of Owen’s poetry fascinated me, because it showed just how Owen had put his mind, heart and soul into convincing his unbelieving country that the war was an evil, soul destroying scar on the history of man.

In “Dulce et Decorum est”, Owen begins by describing young soldiers who are “knock- kneed” and “coughing like hags”. Owen completely destroys the clichéd image of young sprightly soldiers representing the epitome of upright masculinity, and replaces them with a sorry image of prematurely aged young men who are now completely physically derelict.

Owen carrys on to attack any preconceptions of war being a “walk in the park”. The use of explicit verbs such as “guttering , choking, drowing” present the readers with an alternate reality of pain and suffering, only found in the blood stained pits of war. The reader now, after only the first stanza, is confronted with the forcefulness of Owens ideas and is taken aback, yet enthralled with these blood-chillingly, almost unreal, images. These descriptions made me realise just how oblivious “the people back home” must have been to the wars utter tragicness, if Owen felt so compelled to create such profound work.

In “Disabled”, Owen also uses “shock-tactics” to convey his urgent ideals. The phrase “legless, sewn short at elbow” uses a blantant understatement to describe the remains of a young man’s body, in a short, simple and abrupt sentence. The fact the Owen vividly described his whole body in one sentence, and leaves the reader with a pitiful, war-torn image as well, emphasises his skill and prowess at conveying his compelling ideals.

The line, “he lost his colour, far away from here”, shows Owens ability to give his message in a non conventional manner. The words “he lost his colour” immedietly bring an image to mind of blood slowly draining out from the young man, as he begins to pale, and then the words “far away from here”, place this deathly occurance into a muddy hole, and make the reader feel the man’s loneliness that he felt while suffering this fate. Owen’s ability to bring you into the poem and see and experience the horrors he unfolds, made me feel helpless, to just imagine, although his intended readers would have had more ability to act on this knowledge and would have been compelled to do so, if they felt the horror and disbelief I experienced.

In “Anthem for doomed youth”, I felt that Owen had a real sense of the events around him and that he had come to conclusions of his own concerning the war and how this affected those back home. The line, “No mockeries for them, no prayers nor bells” shows Owen’s philosophy on the reality of peoples attitude to the war. The fact that Owen calls the prayers and bells, that occur for those who die, a mockery, shows his belief that the conventional rituals for the dead of war, simply made death into something soft and sombre, when in fact it was likely that the soldier died a horrible and painful death, and Owen is not afraid to speak out his views. This made me realise that Owen disregarded conventional methods and beliefs, and simply write what he felt needed to be said about the unnecessary destructiveness of war and about how blind the public was to this.

In all three of these poems Owen has used various techniques and methods to make his message clear and I feel that if I had been in his time, my view would have been changed. His un-conventional descriptions made me realise how strongly he felt about the war and how much he was determined to inform the people of the “truth”.

Schindler’s List Essay

This essay was written in 30 minutes in test conditions and the student who wrote it really wants some help to improve it. He thinks it is around the achieved level but he is not sure. What do you think?

Identify what you consider to be the director’s main purpose AND explore, in depth, one or two main visual/oral techniques used to achieve this purpose.

Steven Spielberg’s main purpose in the film Schindler’s List is to show the eternal moral dilemma: how an individual responds to power and temptation. This is achieved through the two characters, Oskar Schindler and Amon Goeth, how each character responds to power and temptation and the parallels between the two characters. Amon Goeth, the films central representation of evil, is depicted as not just a monster but a complex man beset by indecision and even temptation to do good as shown in the ‘forgiveness’ sequence where he attempts to “pardon” himself and others. Goeth makes this attempt at goodness after Schindler states, “power is when we have every justification to kill and we don’t.” But Goeth always denies his humanity and falls back on the side of evil. This complex portrayal of such a monster is shocking but shows that individuals respond differently to power.

The film starts off showing many parallels between these two main characters, Amon Goeth and Oskar Schindler. It is shown through many cross-cutting scenes that both men are charismatic, Nazis, in places of power and both have a fine sense of style. The viewer is made to feel these two men are very similar, that both have the potential for good and bad. But it is scenes such as the basement scenes where Schindler and Amon find themselves in almost identical situations that we are able to see how the different choices each one has made is effecting him. Where Schindler embraces the Jew, Helen Hirsch, by giving her a “kiss of pity” Goeth denies his humanity and beats her. Goeth makes excuses for his human feelings towards Helen Hirsch stating “they cast a spell on you, you know the Jews.” Where Schindler embraces his human feelings, Goeth denies them, denies them, discarding them as a weakness.

We are shown the extent at which moments in the film have changed each character when Schindler, previously money driven, gives up his fortune to save Jews where Goeth decides the fate of Helen Hirsch over a pack of cards. Schindler also shows he has made good moral decisions when he hoses down the Jews in the trains while Goeth sits there shouting “This is very cruel Oskar, You’re giving them hope, you shouldn’t do that. “That’s cruel!” Both have gained different outlooks on life through the different ways that they responded to temptation and power.

The outcomes of their decision shows the beneficial and humane way to respond to temptation and power. Goeth is last seen as a pathetic figure still in a fantasy world as he states “Heil Hitler” just before he is hanged. This shows there is no remorse of those who abuse power. In contrast Schindler becomes a saviour as the Schindlerjuden present him with a ring inscribed with the saying “whoever saves a life saves the world entire.”

The purpose of Steven Spielberg in this film was to show the moral dilemma of how an individual responds to temptation and power. He successfully achieved this through the characters of Amon Goeth and Oskar Schindler as he showed the parallels between the two and the choices they made that determined their fates.

Extended Texts Essay

I have added a student’s essay on John Marsden’s novel ‘Letters from the Inside’ below. This Level One essay was written in exam conditions in 25 minutes. The question is from the early days of NCEA and I think that it is less challenging than recent ones but it is a good one to kick off your revision. It would be great if you had some comments to make on the essay, so don’t be shy!

Describe an idea that interested you in the text. Explain why this idea interested you.

“Letters from the Inside” by John Marsden is an unforgettable novel that presents many important ideas through its text. Perhaps the most important of these is violence and its harmful effects.
Violence affects both main characters in this book in different ways. Mandy and Tracey both experience some form of violence that deeply impacts upon their lives long after the damage is done. Mandy encounters violence within the home by her brother Steve. Steve is a disturbed teenage boy who has no friends, will apparently drop out of high school and has turned into a weapons freak. Steve is very abusive and violent towards Mandy, beating her up when no one is home. We know that Mandy is frightened of that part of Steve’s nature that he can’t control when she says “you know, the most frightening thing in my life is Steve;” yet she has no one she can turn to for help. Mandy’s parents “working their lives away” do not realise the extent of the problem and suggest it is “only a phase” Steve is going through. Mandy takes to locking her door and turns to Tracey for help.
Tracey; so familiar with violence in her own life, chooses to ignore Mandy’s problems with Steve and offers no real advice. Mandy continues to be afraid. She sees Steve’s behaviour worsen as a result of everybody ignoring her.
Although we are left guessing as to why Mandy stops writing it is hinted that Steve has killed the whole family, with his gun which he spent hours cleaning, on Christmas Eve. Terrifying – some may venture even to say immoral – as this scenario is, it is not in the least far-fetched. I became curious as to how the Steve’s of the world are allowed to remain unchecked and ignored. I was also frustrated because everyone was seeing that “whenever Steve gets mad – and you never know what could make him mad, it could be any little thing – the only way he ever reacts is violently’. Steve had been suspended from school for bullying, yet nobody really helped Mandy or Steve when Mandy explained about her brother being unable to control his terrible temper. Marsden wanted his readers to realise that unless we rethink our attitudes towards violence people like Mandy, innocent people, will keep dying because people like Steve cant accept the consequences of their actions.
Tracey is another victim of violence. She recounts frightful incidents where she had witnessed her mother being hurt and beaten by her father. “Then I read to the end and found it was my mother who he’d murdered.” Clearly, Tracey’s father was an abusive man who killed her mother. For Tracey violence was normal, something that was simply always there. Tracey, however, dealt with violence in a way that was very different to Mandy. “I did some stupid things, like sleeping under the bed,” she tells Mandy in one of her letters.
Tracey continued the pattern of violence and ended up in Garrett, a girls’ maximum-security detention centre. Although we are not told Tracey’s crime, the length of her prison sentence indicates it was very serious. Tracey has probably killed somebody or hurt someone badly.
This idea of the cycle of violence interested me because sadly, violence in this sense is becoming a more and more common reality. In the case of Steve and Mandy we must never brush violence off with the “boys will be boys” approach. Mandy’s parents left it too late. Violence and its effects is a strong theme throughout the novel. A shocking novel “Letters from the Inside” carries an important message: we must always take violence in any form as a serious issue. Violence exists as a horrifying truth in our world. It is time to come to terms and deal with it. This means that as a society we need to rethink our attitudes towards getting limits to acceptable behaviour.